Translated stuff that is very cool.

我恨所有那些白痴絕對討厭我了很多仇恨犯罪。哈，你可以吸我的桃子。小子，我是一個性感的芒果。我想你找出這意味著什麼。如果沒有，你申請到最附近的麥當勞，因為那將是你這樣一個可怕的白痴lamest和最佳的工作。

Olen surkea laamoja ja minulla on myös ruokinta Haettu Barbie ja hänen ystävänsä.

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Did you mean: ghostly children ate my Camaro, it tastes like crack. that's off the fo sizzle.

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אני מריח בוריטוס ומוות. למה אני שונא את פנדה ואת הילדות הקטנות. Thats זה כך מבולגן. אני מתכוון לזה כל כך הרבה, חשבתי להרוג ברבי ולהאכיל אותו הכלב שלי

You know your having a bad/fatal day when...

1. Your car is being chased by homing missiles.


2.Your super buddy is being a dick...





 3. Everybody's against you...

(Happy Holiday) How to survive in Santa's Workshop

1. Remember to bring a present for Santa. He won't actually let you in without a present. It would be pretty awkward to show up in the middle of the North Pole without a present for Santa. He would probably leave you in the freezing cold.

2. Bring expedition food that won't freeze in the winter. If you bring water, you are stupid. Bring a dairy queen treat, or bring a food that's meant to be frozen. It will last you longer than just having to wait.











3. Make sure you believe in Santa. If you don't and you go to his workshop. You aren't proving anything to anyone, the only thing you proved is that you are an idiot.

4. If you are beginning to become accustomed to Christmas music and hot coco. You have been in Santa land TOO  LONG.

5. Make sure you have a way to get home. If you don't, you may end up in a bad situation. I'll tell you, I don't want to be Santa's elf.

how to survive ANIMAL STYLE (LOT MORE PICTURES)

If your an animal, you have to survive no matter what. You get fed or feed yourself, and its literally a dog eat dog world out there. Well if your an animal, here are some tips on surviving.

1. Survival of the FATTEST
Usually its survival of the fittest, but in this case. If your looking to survive a harsh MINNESOTA winter. Then you need a lot of food to keet that fat up and survive.


2.Always know when your times up...
If you know in the animal world your about to die. Have some fun, us humans can learn a lesson in having ANIMAL fun. S oif your about to die. Finish that little animal bucket list of yours.


3. Know how to survive in the human world...
In the human world, humans kill animals. Its the sad truth. In America, Dogs, and Cats don't need this rule. But if your another animal, get yourself around the fact your an animal, find a way to live among us. If not, your dinner.


4.Get into human sports.
In the human world, we have sports. If you know that dog from AIRBUD, you may get this rule. Be into human sports. If your a monkey and you can play badminton, im pretty sure instead of killing you, humans may actually begin to treasure you.
 

5. Know that not all animals are your friend, EVEN YOUR OWN KIND.
Some animals suck when it comes to this rule, but please, know that everyones not on your side. Some lions eat their own cubs to gain leadership of the pride, this is a good example of this rule. Know everyones not your friend, and you will get very far in the animal world.


WELL, thats the tips for how to survive, ANIMAL STYLE. I hope these tips may help you one way or another. I am now writing weekly so see you next week...

HOW TO SURIVE A rainbow fart...

1. Realize that the fart is straight up LIGHT. This light is and/or could be potentially dangerous. So, please, don't fart rainbows.

2. Know that the reason your farting rainbows is because someone spiked you breakfast/lunch/dinner. So next time you eat, check for drugs.

3. If you don't know why your farting rainbows. Ask a doctor. Although they may ask  to operate and possibly probe every part of your living being, at least you'll eventually have a reason.

4.Rainbow Farting people are very rare and in some cases, go absolutely crazy. There have been crazy cases where people will even believe their unicorns.

5.If you are rainbow farting 1-2 times a day. You need serious help. Go to your local drunk. Drunks may seem stupid, but the stupid stuff they do is actual strategic ways to prevent themselves from farting rainbows.

6.IF you are farting a rainbow only once a month or so. Just pour some sour milk into your buttocks and it will cure it right up.

TIme Traveler Rules.

OK, if you watch those time traveler movies. They always have some very weird shit... I mean, Back to the Future, his mom wants to do him. THATS SO MESSED UP... So here are some rules on being the best time traveler.

Rule #1

PLEASE, don't end up making out with your MOTHER!!! How can I stress it enough. Making out with your mom is probably the dirtiest thing you can do to yourself. IF your one and only goal in time traveling is to make out with your mom, you should just go die in a hole.

Rule #2

Don't go into the future. I mean, if you go, what will there be. You will just be the ugly freak who doesn't know what a DWX is or anything.

Rule #3

Don't bring anything back from the future. Although good cheating on scores of football games may be involved. This is an absolutely retarted move. I mean, traveling into the future just to get some football scores is the dumbest thing ever.

Rule #4

Time Travel is very dangerous. SO please, be careful who you bring. If you bring Shanana or DeShawn back to the 15th century, they will likely be turned into slaves.

Rule #5

No fixing mistakes that you made. I mean, nobodys perfect, so why should you be. IF you do fix a mistake, it will probably alter all aspects of time as we know it and they will become you greatest fault.

Rule#6

No killing people or stopping people from being killed. John F Kennedy died for out country, please leave it that way,

And finally...

Rule #6

No killing or stopping people from being killed. John F Kennedy died for our country, leave it that way...

A group of Viking Fans (We're very dedicated)

       Warning we are very dedicated and mad because the Vikings lost to the Pack... So here's a list about how to survive all of us pissed of people. (Rather be pissed off than pissed on.)


1. Don't like Packers. (Why any whey?) If your looking to survive, liking Packers will probably make you a Vikings fan next dinner...

2.Know the players. If you think Justin Beiber is a singer, he's also a Viking fan, and thats what matters to us...

3. Most Viking fans won't make exceptions to other teams. Rival or Not. There are almost no allies to the Vikings, Except maybe the Lions. Their OK...

4. Vikings are the most amazing team ever made. If you don't live in Minnesota, their still the best. So yah...

5.Adrian Peterson is like the Viking God, Jared Allen is the other god. Get it straight or go home. Only player who is on another team you can root for is Sidney Rice. He's still amazing.

Superhero Rules on How Not To Be A Jerk

   Superman, unlimited powers, no limits, always stopping crime. WHAT A JERK!!! Well of COURSE he's going to stop the criminal. He has no limits to power. Super speed, strength, agility, and can shoot freaking lasers out of his eyes. So why praise him for doing nothing, showing no courage, and stopping crimes our own police can stop. Because we need someone. So, I decided, we can have heroes on our Earth, but there should be some guild lines.

Superman Rule: Please, do not be all powerful. When you watch a game of football, and the score is 2,000,000,000,000-0, You stop watching. Why not stop watching Superman...

Batman Rule: Don't be goth. Why the hell do we watch a hero that kicks some butt, then goes home and cuts himself with his butlers shaving razor. It really annoys me.

Green Lantern Rule: If powers are "Stricken apon you". Please check the details. Its like buying that sugar from the guy in the alleyway by your house. You don't know its sugar, but you take it anywhey...WHY!!!

Spiderman Rule: Please, don't tell your girlfriend about your powers. Because in the long run, the only actual reason she hasn't broken up with you is because you have powers.

Thor Rule: If you have a weapon, please, don't use a hammer. I mean what does he think, he strikes fear into people by waving a magical hammer around. I don't think so. HEY THOR, try a samurai sword.

Wolverine Rule: Always be a bad-ass.

Wolverine Rule 2: If you always kick butt, please don't wear yellow and blue spandex. If you ask me, that's embarrassing.  Spandex, seriously. He looked good before with the whole jacket thing. Which he ruins any whey because he always rips it with his claws.

The Hulk Rule: If you only have powers that develop because of anger, please don't watch scary movies. Nobody wants to be caught in a psychotic rage because you decided to watch Halloween or something.

The She-Hulk Rule: Please, don't copy other heroes. This makes you look like an extreme idiot.

The Thing Rule: Read SHE HULK...

Chuck Norris Rule: Always have a signature move. For Chuck Norris, the round-house kick. I heard that his round-house kick could leave shoe prints in your skull.

Shazaam! Rule: Don't turn from kid to man in seconds. This is a horrible thing. There's always that second or so that you go through ALL of puberty, and that sucks.

The Flash Rule:Never have a symbol that doesn't represent your power... Lightning=Electric Power. If he wants a symbol, try a race car or a roadrunner.

Naurito Rule: If the world knows your a ninja, your not a ninja.

Green Hornet Rule: If your sidekick is better than you, find a worse sidekick. That's just embarrassing.

Bob Barker (AWESOMEST MAN EVER) Rule: Always have a sweet TV show.

Captain America Rule: Of your about to kill your nemesis, don't take 2 hours to do it. People watching you have lives they need to get to.

So, these are some very important powers and rules. If you add them all together, they should look a little something like this.





So try the rules out... Who knows, you to might get lucky.

Halloween Special: SERIAL KILLER

OK, guys. If you ever find a scary severed head in your basement, suspect a serial killer. So, here are some survival tips for this very occasion.

1. Never go make out in the woods, IN FACT... Never GO INTO the woods. The killer is very likely able to find you, no matter how thick the woods are...

2. Don't run, its not worth it. No matter how fast you run, the killers going to catch you. So if your only option is running, screw it, your dead either way. (Unless the killer has a scream mask, they seem to be clumsy.)

3. Killing the killer is nearly impossible. So just a warning, if you kill the killer, he probably won't be dead, in face, he will try to kill you for vengance. So, if it comes to it, don't kill the killer, you can't.

4. When a killer is going to kill you, you will get slashed a bunch, be able to crawl, but right before you get to the phone, he will kill you.

5.If a serial killer has you trapped in a room, where you have to kill someone to survive. Just sit in the room, people will probably come for you eventually.

So these are some survival tips... HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Bears

Ok, this is all about survival with bears. I mean, grizzly's, not those pooh bears or whatever. So, here are 13 things not to do in a bears cave. I know everybody wants to know. So here it is...

1. Do Not take flash photos while in a bears cave. (This is actually a law in Alaska, so do not attempt.)

2. Do Not be trying an experiment by tying raw meat to yourself in a bear cave.

3. Do Not give a bear AIDS. My cousin did once, and all her babies came out to be were those furry guys you see on TV.

4. Do Not stab yourself as a sacrifice to the bear god. This is a horrid idea and to be honest, THERE IS NO BEAR GOD!!!

5. Do not smoke weed or give a bear weed. This makes the bear very sleepy. And once he gets up, he goes on a feeding frenzy. Also, when the bears asleep, do not take his picture with flash photography.

6.No not pour vinegar on a bear, for this will just piss them off.

7. Do not get your head stuck in a bears butt, that is really freaking nasty..

8. Do not give a bear a surprise party, for bears do not like surprises and will go on a nasty rampage with a shotgun and two cloves of garlic.

9. Do not smother yourself in honey and go into a bears cave, this is extremely stupid, and fatal.

10. Do not bring KFC into a bears cave, no matter how black you are, the bear will kill you...

11. If a bear or an alien prank calls you to go into the bears cave, you are a creeper and should be put in a strait jacket.

12. If a group of tourists go into a bears cave, make sure to be the only one to come out, Hollywood is always looking for a crappy movie and may take this into consideration.

13.If you are on the ground with 3 claw marks in your back, you were likely attacked by a bear because you broke 1-12. So please, follow the rest of the rules. For the love of god, FOLLOW THE RULES!!! 

Message to Reader

Dear Reader,
    In the late 1700's, there was the Revolutionary War. But during the revolutionary war, their was also a Sister-Brother war in the background. During that war, the leaders at each side decided that instead of having a huge war, there would be a ton of separate wars in each household. That war is still going on between  brother and sisters everywhere. That is why they fight. So here are some small tips on winning that war...

If your stuck in room, gathering information to help the guys side, word to the wise, do it when your sibling can't catch you. If you are caught, either act like your lost, doing something nice, or  HIDE!!!

If you find out about a nuke on your sister/brothers team, take evasive action. Get two nukes.

One of the most important rules in the book. ALWAYS HAVE A BUDDY. I can't stress it enough.

So there are some tips on surviving sisters and brothers. So bye...

How 2 survive a NINJA MONKEY APOCALYPSE...

In 2012, the people say a solar rift will destroy the universe and kill every possible living thing. Others say that the global warming crisis will throw off all of our Earth, destroying us all. I say your all wrong, we're all going to die, Trial By Ninja Monkey. SO, here is some tips to help you survive the invasion.


1. Always remember not to have bananas. Ninja Monkeys hate bananas and will go into a horrible rage when they see them.

2.If you need a lure for a Ninja Monkey, use a top hat. Ninja Monkeys are absolutely obsessed with top hats and will do anything to get one.

3.Don't go to the monkeys reproduction chamber or anything. They reproduce through their ass. If you see a dick, it isn't a dick, its their sword holder.

4.Ninja Monkeys aren't very smart. All they know is how to eat, sleep, and do ninja moves.

5. If you see a ninja monkey jacking off, they are actually training, do not approach.

6.Ninja Monkeys can turn invisible, if you hear a random noise, do not approach, because its a freaking ninja monkey

7.Never ever listen to Britteny Spears, Bruno Mars, Justin Beiber, or Justin Timberlake. (Just because they suck, and...) Because ninja monkeys can see through sounds and may see these singers and go after both you and them.

8.Ninja Monkeys are afraid of Elmo, so they run. USE THE POWER OF ELMO AS A WEAPON. If your wondering why your faggot kids will survive, its because of Elmo.

9.Frogs are the galactic enemy of Ninja Monkeys, so avoid swamps, jungles, and other places frogs might be.

10. Ninja Monkeys always travel solo. So their easier to kill when they travel.

11.Ninja Monkeys are obsessed with heroin and will consume 1,000,000,000 pounds a year. So, if your a drug dealer, your most likely going to die first.

12. Ninja Monkeys can see in the dark, and sometimes have thermal vision, so if you hide in the dark, it doesn't really help you too much.

13. Scientists have known about the ninja monkeys since the 1960's. They never actually released the data because of the fact the people wouldn't understand. So, if you need an expert on ninja monkeys, go to Dr. Andy Dewenarayan.

14. Do not watch Will Smith movies, for ninja monkeys understand the Earths galactic balance is all held within Will Smith.

15. Russia will be the last to be attacked because of the fact ninja monkeys hate Russian accents and vodka.

16.Ninja Monkeys will most likely attack South America, specifically Peru first...

17.Ninja Monkeys can drive cars, trucks, planes, trains, boats, (and for you Somalians) Wheelbarrows.

18.Once a Ninja Monkey see's you connect eye contact, they attack, so avoid visual contact.

19. The Asian Prophecy: 所有你的讀者是絕對的阻礙。

20. 20,000 Ninja Monkeys have the power of 56,000,000 nukes. So,  do not approach!!!

AND THAT is how to survive the ninja monkey apocylypse. So have fun, be safe, and remember, the monkies are out to get you!!!