In 2012, the people say a solar rift will destroy the universe and kill every possible living thing. Others say that the global warming crisis will throw off all of our Earth, destroying us all. I say your all wrong, we're all going to die, Trial By Ninja Monkey. SO, here is some tips to help you survive the invasion.
1. Always remember not to have bananas. Ninja Monkeys hate bananas and will go into a horrible rage when they see them.
2.If you need a lure for a Ninja Monkey, use a top hat. Ninja Monkeys are absolutely obsessed with top hats and will do anything to get one.
3.Don't go to the monkeys reproduction chamber or anything. They reproduce through their ass. If you see a dick, it isn't a dick, its their sword holder.
4.Ninja Monkeys aren't very smart. All they know is how to eat, sleep, and do ninja moves.
5. If you see a ninja monkey jacking off, they are actually training, do not approach.
6.Ninja Monkeys can turn invisible, if you hear a random noise, do not approach, because its a freaking ninja monkey
7.Never ever listen to Britteny Spears, Bruno Mars, Justin Beiber, or Justin Timberlake. (Just because they suck, and...) Because ninja monkeys can see through sounds and may see these singers and go after both you and them.
8.Ninja Monkeys are afraid of Elmo, so they run. USE THE POWER OF ELMO AS A WEAPON. If your wondering why your faggot kids will survive, its because of Elmo.
9.Frogs are the galactic enemy of Ninja Monkeys, so avoid swamps, jungles, and other places frogs might be.
10. Ninja Monkeys always travel solo. So their easier to kill when they travel.
11.Ninja Monkeys are obsessed with heroin and will consume 1,000,000,000 pounds a year. So, if your a drug dealer, your most likely going to die first.
12. Ninja Monkeys can see in the dark, and sometimes have thermal vision, so if you hide in the dark, it doesn't really help you too much.
13. Scientists have known about the ninja monkeys since the 1960's. They never actually released the data because of the fact the people wouldn't understand. So, if you need an expert on ninja monkeys, go to Dr. Andy Dewenarayan.
14. Do not watch Will Smith movies, for ninja monkeys understand the Earths galactic balance is all held within Will Smith.
15. Russia will be the last to be attacked because of the fact ninja monkeys hate Russian accents and vodka.
16.Ninja Monkeys will most likely attack South America, specifically Peru first...
17.Ninja Monkeys can drive cars, trucks, planes, trains, boats, (and for you Somalians) Wheelbarrows.
18.Once a Ninja Monkey see's you connect eye contact, they attack, so avoid visual contact.
19. The Asian Prophecy: 所有你的讀者是絕對的阻礙。
20. 20,000 Ninja Monkeys have the power of 56,000,000 nukes. So, do not approach!!!
AND THAT is how to survive the ninja monkey apocylypse. So have fun, be safe, and remember, the monkies are out to get you!!!
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