Bears

Ok, this is all about survival with bears. I mean, grizzly's, not those pooh bears or whatever. So, here are 13 things not to do in a bears cave. I know everybody wants to know. So here it is...

1. Do Not take flash photos while in a bears cave. (This is actually a law in Alaska, so do not attempt.)

2. Do Not be trying an experiment by tying raw meat to yourself in a bear cave.

3. Do Not give a bear AIDS. My cousin did once, and all her babies came out to be were those furry guys you see on TV.

4. Do Not stab yourself as a sacrifice to the bear god. This is a horrid idea and to be honest, THERE IS NO BEAR GOD!!!

5. Do not smoke weed or give a bear weed. This makes the bear very sleepy. And once he gets up, he goes on a feeding frenzy. Also, when the bears asleep, do not take his picture with flash photography.

6.No not pour vinegar on a bear, for this will just piss them off.

7. Do not get your head stuck in a bears butt, that is really freaking nasty..

8. Do not give a bear a surprise party, for bears do not like surprises and will go on a nasty rampage with a shotgun and two cloves of garlic.

9. Do not smother yourself in honey and go into a bears cave, this is extremely stupid, and fatal.

10. Do not bring KFC into a bears cave, no matter how black you are, the bear will kill you...

11. If a bear or an alien prank calls you to go into the bears cave, you are a creeper and should be put in a strait jacket.

12. If a group of tourists go into a bears cave, make sure to be the only one to come out, Hollywood is always looking for a crappy movie and may take this into consideration.

13.If you are on the ground with 3 claw marks in your back, you were likely attacked by a bear because you broke 1-12. So please, follow the rest of the rules. For the love of god, FOLLOW THE RULES!!!