OK, guys. If you ever find a scary severed head in your basement, suspect a serial killer. So, here are some survival tips for this very occasion.
1. Never go make out in the woods, IN FACT... Never GO INTO the woods. The killer is very likely able to find you, no matter how thick the woods are...
2. Don't run, its not worth it. No matter how fast you run, the killers going to catch you. So if your only option is running, screw it, your dead either way. (Unless the killer has a scream mask, they seem to be clumsy.)
3. Killing the killer is nearly impossible. So just a warning, if you kill the killer, he probably won't be dead, in face, he will try to kill you for vengance. So, if it comes to it, don't kill the killer, you can't.
4. When a killer is going to kill you, you will get slashed a bunch, be able to crawl, but right before you get to the phone, he will kill you.
5.If a serial killer has you trapped in a room, where you have to kill someone to survive. Just sit in the room, people will probably come for you eventually.
So these are some survival tips... HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Bears
Ok, this is all about survival with bears. I mean, grizzly's, not those pooh bears or whatever. So, here are 13 things not to do in a bears cave. I know everybody wants to know. So here it is...
1. Do Not take flash photos while in a bears cave. (This is actually a law in Alaska, so do not attempt.)
2. Do Not be trying an experiment by tying raw meat to yourself in a bear cave.
3. Do Not give a bear AIDS. My cousin did once, and all her babies came out to be were those furry guys you see on TV.
4. Do Not stab yourself as a sacrifice to the bear god. This is a horrid idea and to be honest, THERE IS NO BEAR GOD!!!
5. Do not smoke weed or give a bear weed. This makes the bear very sleepy. And once he gets up, he goes on a feeding frenzy. Also, when the bears asleep, do not take his picture with flash photography.
6.No not pour vinegar on a bear, for this will just piss them off.
7. Do not get your head stuck in a bears butt, that is really freaking nasty..
8. Do not give a bear a surprise party, for bears do not like surprises and will go on a nasty rampage with a shotgun and two cloves of garlic.
9. Do not smother yourself in honey and go into a bears cave, this is extremely stupid, and fatal.
10. Do not bring KFC into a bears cave, no matter how black you are, the bear will kill you...
11. If a bear or an alien prank calls you to go into the bears cave, you are a creeper and should be put in a strait jacket.
12. If a group of tourists go into a bears cave, make sure to be the only one to come out, Hollywood is always looking for a crappy movie and may take this into consideration.
13.If you are on the ground with 3 claw marks in your back, you were likely attacked by a bear because you broke 1-12. So please, follow the rest of the rules. For the love of god, FOLLOW THE RULES!!!
1. Do Not take flash photos while in a bears cave. (This is actually a law in Alaska, so do not attempt.)
2. Do Not be trying an experiment by tying raw meat to yourself in a bear cave.
3. Do Not give a bear AIDS. My cousin did once, and all her babies came out to be were those furry guys you see on TV.
4. Do Not stab yourself as a sacrifice to the bear god. This is a horrid idea and to be honest, THERE IS NO BEAR GOD!!!
5. Do not smoke weed or give a bear weed. This makes the bear very sleepy. And once he gets up, he goes on a feeding frenzy. Also, when the bears asleep, do not take his picture with flash photography.
6.No not pour vinegar on a bear, for this will just piss them off.
7. Do not get your head stuck in a bears butt, that is really freaking nasty..
8. Do not give a bear a surprise party, for bears do not like surprises and will go on a nasty rampage with a shotgun and two cloves of garlic.
9. Do not smother yourself in honey and go into a bears cave, this is extremely stupid, and fatal.
10. Do not bring KFC into a bears cave, no matter how black you are, the bear will kill you...
11. If a bear or an alien prank calls you to go into the bears cave, you are a creeper and should be put in a strait jacket.
12. If a group of tourists go into a bears cave, make sure to be the only one to come out, Hollywood is always looking for a crappy movie and may take this into consideration.
13.If you are on the ground with 3 claw marks in your back, you were likely attacked by a bear because you broke 1-12. So please, follow the rest of the rules. For the love of god, FOLLOW THE RULES!!!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Message to Reader
Dear Reader,
In the late 1700's, there was the Revolutionary War. But during the revolutionary war, their was also a Sister-Brother war in the background. During that war, the leaders at each side decided that instead of having a huge war, there would be a ton of separate wars in each household. That war is still going on between brother and sisters everywhere. That is why they fight. So here are some small tips on winning that war...
If your stuck in room, gathering information to help the guys side, word to the wise, do it when your sibling can't catch you. If you are caught, either act like your lost, doing something nice, or HIDE!!!
If you find out about a nuke on your sister/brothers team, take evasive action. Get two nukes.
One of the most important rules in the book. ALWAYS HAVE A BUDDY. I can't stress it enough.
So there are some tips on surviving sisters and brothers. So bye...
In the late 1700's, there was the Revolutionary War. But during the revolutionary war, their was also a Sister-Brother war in the background. During that war, the leaders at each side decided that instead of having a huge war, there would be a ton of separate wars in each household. That war is still going on between brother and sisters everywhere. That is why they fight. So here are some small tips on winning that war...
If your stuck in room, gathering information to help the guys side, word to the wise, do it when your sibling can't catch you. If you are caught, either act like your lost, doing something nice, or HIDE!!!
If you find out about a nuke on your sister/brothers team, take evasive action. Get two nukes.
One of the most important rules in the book. ALWAYS HAVE A BUDDY. I can't stress it enough.
So there are some tips on surviving sisters and brothers. So bye...
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
How 2 survive a NINJA MONKEY APOCALYPSE...
In 2012, the people say a solar rift will destroy the universe and kill every possible living thing. Others say that the global warming crisis will throw off all of our Earth, destroying us all. I say your all wrong, we're all going to die, Trial By Ninja Monkey. SO, here is some tips to help you survive the invasion.
1. Always remember not to have bananas. Ninja Monkeys hate bananas and will go into a horrible rage when they see them.
2.If you need a lure for a Ninja Monkey, use a top hat. Ninja Monkeys are absolutely obsessed with top hats and will do anything to get one.
3.Don't go to the monkeys reproduction chamber or anything. They reproduce through their ass. If you see a dick, it isn't a dick, its their sword holder.
4.Ninja Monkeys aren't very smart. All they know is how to eat, sleep, and do ninja moves.
5. If you see a ninja monkey jacking off, they are actually training, do not approach.
6.Ninja Monkeys can turn invisible, if you hear a random noise, do not approach, because its a freaking ninja monkey
7.Never ever listen to Britteny Spears, Bruno Mars, Justin Beiber, or Justin Timberlake. (Just because they suck, and...) Because ninja monkeys can see through sounds and may see these singers and go after both you and them.
8.Ninja Monkeys are afraid of Elmo, so they run. USE THE POWER OF ELMO AS A WEAPON. If your wondering why your faggot kids will survive, its because of Elmo.
9.Frogs are the galactic enemy of Ninja Monkeys, so avoid swamps, jungles, and other places frogs might be.
10. Ninja Monkeys always travel solo. So their easier to kill when they travel.
11.Ninja Monkeys are obsessed with heroin and will consume 1,000,000,000 pounds a year. So, if your a drug dealer, your most likely going to die first.
12. Ninja Monkeys can see in the dark, and sometimes have thermal vision, so if you hide in the dark, it doesn't really help you too much.
13. Scientists have known about the ninja monkeys since the 1960's. They never actually released the data because of the fact the people wouldn't understand. So, if you need an expert on ninja monkeys, go to Dr. Andy Dewenarayan.
14. Do not watch Will Smith movies, for ninja monkeys understand the Earths galactic balance is all held within Will Smith.
15. Russia will be the last to be attacked because of the fact ninja monkeys hate Russian accents and vodka.
16.Ninja Monkeys will most likely attack South America, specifically Peru first...
17.Ninja Monkeys can drive cars, trucks, planes, trains, boats, (and for you Somalians) Wheelbarrows.
18.Once a Ninja Monkey see's you connect eye contact, they attack, so avoid visual contact.
19. The Asian Prophecy: 所有你的讀者是絕對的阻礙。
20. 20,000 Ninja Monkeys have the power of 56,000,000 nukes. So, do not approach!!!
AND THAT is how to survive the ninja monkey apocylypse. So have fun, be safe, and remember, the monkies are out to get you!!!
1. Always remember not to have bananas. Ninja Monkeys hate bananas and will go into a horrible rage when they see them.
2.If you need a lure for a Ninja Monkey, use a top hat. Ninja Monkeys are absolutely obsessed with top hats and will do anything to get one.
3.Don't go to the monkeys reproduction chamber or anything. They reproduce through their ass. If you see a dick, it isn't a dick, its their sword holder.
4.Ninja Monkeys aren't very smart. All they know is how to eat, sleep, and do ninja moves.
5. If you see a ninja monkey jacking off, they are actually training, do not approach.
6.Ninja Monkeys can turn invisible, if you hear a random noise, do not approach, because its a freaking ninja monkey
7.Never ever listen to Britteny Spears, Bruno Mars, Justin Beiber, or Justin Timberlake. (Just because they suck, and...) Because ninja monkeys can see through sounds and may see these singers and go after both you and them.
8.Ninja Monkeys are afraid of Elmo, so they run. USE THE POWER OF ELMO AS A WEAPON. If your wondering why your faggot kids will survive, its because of Elmo.
9.Frogs are the galactic enemy of Ninja Monkeys, so avoid swamps, jungles, and other places frogs might be.
10. Ninja Monkeys always travel solo. So their easier to kill when they travel.
11.Ninja Monkeys are obsessed with heroin and will consume 1,000,000,000 pounds a year. So, if your a drug dealer, your most likely going to die first.
12. Ninja Monkeys can see in the dark, and sometimes have thermal vision, so if you hide in the dark, it doesn't really help you too much.
13. Scientists have known about the ninja monkeys since the 1960's. They never actually released the data because of the fact the people wouldn't understand. So, if you need an expert on ninja monkeys, go to Dr. Andy Dewenarayan.
14. Do not watch Will Smith movies, for ninja monkeys understand the Earths galactic balance is all held within Will Smith.
15. Russia will be the last to be attacked because of the fact ninja monkeys hate Russian accents and vodka.
16.Ninja Monkeys will most likely attack South America, specifically Peru first...
17.Ninja Monkeys can drive cars, trucks, planes, trains, boats, (and for you Somalians) Wheelbarrows.
18.Once a Ninja Monkey see's you connect eye contact, they attack, so avoid visual contact.
19. The Asian Prophecy: 所有你的讀者是絕對的阻礙。
20. 20,000 Ninja Monkeys have the power of 56,000,000 nukes. So, do not approach!!!
AND THAT is how to survive the ninja monkey apocylypse. So have fun, be safe, and remember, the monkies are out to get you!!!
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